what sarah said....

last night while lying in bed...listening to music on my ipod...a song came on...a song with lyrics...that casued me to think about things going on around me..
at a time when i really wanted my mind to rest...
and...well...

when i first started working for the company i work for...i remember one of the reasons i chose to work there....was because when i went to interview...in the lobby..there was a large aquarium...and in lying in the sun in front of it...was this cat....during my interview i found out the cat belonged to leslie...who along with her husband...owned the company...

we all hit it off in the interview and they hired me.....

i had worked there for about 2 years workign with them...leslie became pregnant...then shortly after their son was born...leslie got sick...she was diagonsed with breast cancer...leslie continued to come to work each day as she fought to beat her illness...some days when she had chemotherapy...i would go pick her up if richard couldn't....

leslie fought her illness for years before it took her life...
it took a few years....before richard would really talk about how hard it was to watch leslie struggle...and how hard it was to lose her...

there are times when we talk about her...i can tell..he still struggles to cope with his feelings about losing her...

so i had to tell you that ...to tell you this...
the woman who runs our office...and tries her hardest to keep richard and myself in line is named susan...
susan has her own story...
when her daughter was 7...susan came home from one day...to find her husband had a heart attack in the driveway...and had passed away...
susan raised her daughter alone for a long time...she sold the business she and her husband had ...she went to work for a company...
where after years there...she met a man...who..
she fell in love with...
and they married..
they have been married for years and years..
susan...truly loves her husband..
he is an awesome man...always willing to help people...always working on something at home..at work or at the church...and he is devoted to susan...

one morning this last week...my cell phone rang at 5:30 in the morning..
it was susan..
in a shaky voice she told me..
she had been at the hospital all night with her husband..
the doctors had told her ..he had cancer...
and while his life can be lengthened with treatment....it is
terminal...

so at work at the moment...there is a quiet tension...
some of it is memories..that have risen to the surface...
and
some of it is fear..of what the future will hold..

last night as i lay in bed..listening to "what sarah said" by "death cab for cutie"...
for some strange reason...
i realized..
it's seldom..
anyone asks me..
how my day was...
there probably is good reason for this..
perhaps..
it's because i'm not the type of person that really needs to vent..and most times if i'm asked...i might share some part of my day...but over all...even on the worst of days...i tend to leave out most of the details...
maybe there are other reasons...
who knows...
anyway...
here's the deal...
my day yesterday..was not so great..
and well ...today wasn't much better...
but...
as i lay there last night...
and as i sit and write tonight..
i'm thinking....
how good my day was...or wasn't..
somehow..
seems...so unimportant...

music tonight...
death cab for cutie...."what sarah said"...

"cause there's no comfort in the waiting room..
just nervous pacers bracing for bad news...
and then the nurse comes round
and everyone will lift their heads..
but I'm thinking of what sarah said...
that "love is watching someone die"..."