today was a hectic day...
sometimes things happen..and even though you're totally unprepared...they happen...leaving you to deal with the world around you as it's presented...
sometimes...these things are cause for frustration...and they an also can be discouraging..but ..sometimes life is about perspective...
this weekend...a family from loveland was on their way home from the nuggets game in denver...the father was driving but the mother decided she wanted to drive...so the father pulled over...got out of the car to change seats with his wife...and a car hit the family from behind..killing the family's two children in the back seat...
a 14 year old boy and his 13 year old sister sitting in the back seat..lost their lives in an instant...
i'm sure in the accident investigation...there will be some reason given for how and why this happened....and maybe in a some small way it will give someone some sense of comfort...but the reality is....lives were lost....young lives...
the early part of each day for me involves reading my bible...it might be surprising for people who have known me in the past...that i'm currently on my second complete reading...a few years ago ...i read the entire bible through the course of a year...and then..i was sporadic in my reading...really meaning to read each day but i found i would get lost in the events of the day....and i wasn't as faithful as i wanted to be...so...
the reason i'm writing this tonight is...as i read each day...parts of the new testament....parts of the old testament...psalms...and proverbs..
more and more as i read...i find myself working to understand why God chose the tests he chose for his people in the old testament...for me it's easier to understand the parables of the new testament...and the psalms...well as poetic as they are...i think more than they should...their meaning and beauty escape me.. at times...because i'm so engulfed in trying to understand what exactly God is trying to tell his people...and of course tell me...through his word....and well...
let's face it...proverbs...they're pretty much self explanatory...no matter what you believe or don't believe...
"pride leads to disgrace but with humility comes wisdom" proverbs 11:2
pretty much proverbs gives it to you straight and you don't have to spend much time in contemplation to understand what God is trying to say..
the thing for me..is...i can find so many instances in the bible...of places where God had the jews do something or the other that seemed more based in ritual than belief...and then looking at it more closely ...finding...it had more to do with faith than ritual...if you can do this with faith...you can do anything...
and then...there's the new testament where Jesus comes along and talks about the parables he uses to help people understand...so...as i've continued to read...i continue to question and try to understand...and..i've started to realize...i don't have to understand everything..there are some things..i understand...as i read them...and i'm positive there are also things...i think i understand that i have no clue about...which i think is why i'm writing this tonight..
today when my car broke down on the highway and i was able to drift to the shoulder but not completely out of traffic...i thought about how vulnerable a position i was in...as i got out of my car and stood at the side of the road away from traffic...i thought about how frustrating it is...to have your car fixed only to have the exact same thing break a few days later...
then i thought about how...i don't understand....i don't understand why a 14 year old boy and a 13 year old girl have to die on a saturday night on the highway...and here i was with my car stopped on the side of the highway...and i was able to get out...without getting hit...and have my car towed...and still i was able to get home about an hour and a half later than i usually get home..
i've often struggled with blessing...in fact for me...it's probably the biggest thing about my faith i struggle with...i do not stuggle with God's many blessings in my life...not at all...i do not stuggle at all ...with recognizing all the wonderful things God brings daily...and i certainly don't struggle with praising God for everything...which i guess is my point...
i don't understand...so when something happens...and it seems so horrible like what happend on the highway saturday night..or the immeausreable suffering that happens in this world daily...it sometimes is enough to be very discouraged...sometimes bitter and sometimes jaded from it all...i thihk what i'm trying to say in sort of a rambling using too many words way is...blessing are all around us...and if we really believe as we say we do...when we feel something horrible has happened...i like to believe that this is God's plan...and that all the suffering anyone goes through in this life...will be forgotten in heaven...so when people die...when bad things happen...it's easy to think we understand God's plan...but i think sometimes we forget the goal is heaven...it's not about this life we have here...
maybe this makes sense...and maybe it doesn't...i know what i'm trying to say i'm just not sure i said it...but that's ok too...God knows what i meant...
so once my car was towed...i was able to go back to work and get a work van and drive home...most the way home.....i drove in silence....but when i was close to home...i turned on the radio and this song came on...a song i had almost forgotten about....and as i listened to it today...i remembered how totally beautiful it is...and how poetic the lyrics are....
the song is.."elusive butterfly"..it was released in 1967...it was written and performed by a guy who went to school in denver...named bob lind...
"..you might have heard my footsteps
echo softly in the distance,
through the canyons of your mind.
i might have even called your name,
as I ran searching after something to believe in
you might have seen me runnin'
through the long abandonned ruins,
of the dreams you left behind.
if you remember something there,
that glided past you followed close by heavy breathing.
don't be concerned it will not harm you,
it's only me pursuing something i'm not sure of,
across my dreams with nets of wonder,
i chase the bright elusive butterfly of love.."
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