happily ever after....

sometimes thoughts....that come at different times...connect together...something happens...i think about it...then another thing happens...and it connects to the first thing...and sometimes...when this happens...there is a string of thoughts...that seem radom...but in a weird way connect...

last november...i had a problem at work with a client...i struggled how to deal with the problem...and after thinking about it for a few weeks...i remembered i had an old friend from high school named pat, who worked in the clients corporate office in texas...i called him and talked to him about my problem...he said he'd look into it for me...

i thanked him...we reminisced and then he said...you know...you should go see mark...he's having a rough time right now...and an old friend might be just the thing he needs...

in high school i had three friends...i was clsoe to...mark, john and pat...after high school we all drifted our separate ways...but becasue pat worked for one of my long term clients....we'd run into each other from time to time...until he was promoted to a corporate job in texas...pat always kept in touch with everyone who we went to school with...so when i saw him he'd always bring me up to speed with what everyone was doing...

and becasue pat asked me to visit mark...one afternoon i did...
mark was an artist...after school he worked for a number of different printing company's until he started his own company...they do mostly art work for specialty signs...things like artwork for snowboard...the shrinkwrap you see on cars of busses for advertising...

when mark was first starting his company...he met a woman...they got married...together they built the company..working everyday side by side...
then...
a year ago last october...marks wife came to him...
she told him she was in love with someone else...that she wanted a divorce....
it turned out...the someone else was one of his employees...

after 25 years of being married...and building a business...marks marriage was over...mark and his wife had a daughter who was just graduating from high school when they separated...and his wife had a son from a previous marriage when they married...who mark had raised as his son...both of his children disowned his wife for what she did to their marriage..

mark took no comfort in the ending of his marriage...mark told me after a year...he still loved his wife...and that even though the divorce had just become final...he was still struggling to move on...

financially...the divorce was a huge strain for mark...he had to pay his ex a large amount of money...and he had to borrow that amount at a time when financial markets were crumbling and business was slow...but...mark felt optimistic about rebuilding the business...still mark went from having no debt to being heavily in debt..

and mark was not optimistic about rebuilding his personal life...
as we talked i asked him when he was going to start rebuilding his personal life...he told me he wasn't ready...so i asked him...
mark who do you think is in control of your life?
and he said...i am..
and i said...
mark...until you start to rebuild your personal life.....
your ex is in control...
he looked at me and smiled...
and i said..
mark...i'm not suggesting you go out and start dating just to date...
but i am suggesting you do something socially..
instead of just work...
join a bowling league...volunteer...do something..
be around people other than work...
he said you know ray..you're right..
it's about taking a first step...when you don't feel you have the energy to even move...but if you never take that step...you stay where you are forever...
so we talked that afternoon..it wasn't long...but evidently what we talked about was helpful....because the next day i got an email thanking me for the time i spent talking to him...and for the advice...

so i was thinking...here's a guy...who bascially believed he had the love of his life...who would have stayed with his wife...becaue he loved her...becasue he believed they had built a good life together...and he wanted no other woman...just her...even now over a year after the marriage had ended...he still hadn't been able to adjust to things ending...

in october...lee ann womack ...released her album ...call me crazy...
there is a song on the album called ...new again...
when i first heard the song...i thought...what a great message in the lyrics of this song...and how sometimes a song like this...comes along...and i like the lyrics...but what does it have to do with the world around me?....

"and to my baggage filled with broken things...
i threw in all my hopes and dreams,
and on my sleeve I wore my broken heart...
i thought forever'd be how long I'd wait,
before I met the man who'd make it better,
and give me a brand new start...

so much for used and abused...
abandoned, thrown away...
some things are destined to live another day...
it takes a certain kind,
to look deep enough to find,
the beauty within...
and i thank God for those,
who make the old new again...

we're all lost and found, damaged goods...
cast aside, misunderstood...
scratched and dented, needing paint...
a sin away from a saint..."

when i heard it...i couldn't help but think of what it's like to lose someone you love...whether it's to death...or divorce...

everyone moves on...whether they have another relationship..or not...
some chose to begin again...though another relationship..
others chose...to begin again....alone...

in the last three months...there have been two time where i've been in a line at a grocery store...where i've heard people say...what a blessing it is to be married..and how...that person wants nothing more than to be married or married again...

we've all heard people say...
i know i'll never be happy again...
i'll never find someone to love me...the way i want to be loved..
or deserve to be loved..
but time and time again..
we've all seen..
it happen...

it's what i hope for mark...
it's what i've hoped for my children...and the people around me i love...
it's my hope for everyone...

i watch the world around me...
i watch relationships...begin..
i watch relationships...struggle...
i watch relationships...endure...
i watch relationships...begin again...
i watch...
people who wait patiently...
i watch...
those who...can't wait...
their impatience turning to bitterness...
and...
i believe...
in the end...
it's becomes more and more clear...
you can be happy in a relationship...
you can be happy alone...
you can be whatever you want to be...
whatever..
you're meant to be...

everyone's happily ever after..
is different...

tonights music...
lee ann womack....new again...